“Joe Kumar vs Carlos Garcia”The Honourable Dylan Campbell Presiding
All quotations in this article are based on the emails written by the above persons in response to the alleged events. This article is a work of fiction and is not intended to represent the views of Joe Kumar or Carlos Garcia. All quotes attributed to Joe Kumar or Carlos Garcia are taken from emails sent by these individuals during the incident. Before reading this article, we recommend you read the following two pages.
www.wealthysecrets.net/jkstory.php
www.joekumar.com/junksecrets.html
“All rise for the Honourable, Judge Dylan Campbell.” The court official announces his entrance.
Judge Campbell walks to his elevated seat and casts a glance over the two parties seated before him. On his left sits Joe Kumar, a neutral expression on his face. He is being represented by a young lady, a local lawyer whose name Judge Campbell never bothered to remember.
On the right-hand side of the court sits Carlos Garcia. Sitting straight and seemingly eager to get things started. He is being represented by a female lawyer that Judge Campbell doesn’t recognise.
The judge looks down and considers the notes that have been prepared for him. In summary, Mr Kumar has accused Mr Garcia of fraudulently withholding payment for leads sent to the Wealthy Secrets website. Mr Garcia is denying these allegations and is accusing Mr Kumar of slander.
Judge Campbell looks up. “This court is now in session. All persons having business before this court, step forward and you can speak until I tell you to stop. Are both parties familiar with the procedures of this court?”
Both parties nod their ascent, so he reminds them anyway.
“It is clear from your written statements that the veracity of your accusations cannot be fully ascertained. Consequently, my verdict will NOT include an opinion on who is guilty and who is innocent.”
At this point, Mr Kumar’s lawyer interrupts. “I think we all understand this, your honour. What isn’t clear is what gives you the right to pass verdict on these events, or what leads you to believe this is even any of your business.”
Judge Campbell rubs his eyes a little wearily. Youths today have so little respect. “I have the right, Mrs..?”
“Juniper. Mrs Juniper.”
“I have the right, Mrs Juniper, because this is my article and I am free to express my opinion on anything I choose. You can disagree with it if you wish, but I would suggest you start showing me the proper respect. May I remind you that you are a fictional character in this drama and as such you are not permitted to question my authority, unless I allow you to.”
Mrs Juniper returns to her seat, suitably chastised.
“Mr Kumar.” Judge Campbell motions him to stand and address the court. “When you decided that Mr Garcia was acting as a “blatant rip off artist”, you decided to email your mailing list and inform them of the matter. Why did you do that?”
Mr Kumar clears his throat before responding, “Some integrity needs to be restored into the system. Integrity seems to be lacking in a major way on the Internet. It’s not this way in the car wash business, people are more respectful and never rip you off.
“I had asked Carlos for a higher commission payout, since I was directly under him, he disagreed, but that was okay. He was keeping $17/mth on my referrals and me just $10/mth, so the last thing I expected him to do was rip off my referrals from me, and keep all the $27/mth. But guess what, that’s exactly what this cunning scumbag did.”
“Objection, your honour!” Mr Garcia’s lawyer jumps to her feet as if 12,000 volts of electricity have just run through her chair. “Mr Kumar is using abusive language about my client”
Judge Campbell considers this for a moment to create the illusion he has been paying attention. “Abusive language?”
“Yes, your honour. Towards Mr Garcia. We came here in good faith and,” pointing an accusatory finger, “Mr Kumar is acting unprofessionally.”
“Indeed.” Judge Campbell pours himself another glass of a liquid that only looks like water. “Well spotted. Do continue, Mr Kumar.”
“I knew something was amiss. It didn’t make sense, the only thing that made sense was that Carlos was stealing my referrals from right under my nose.”
“Okay, Mr Kumar.” Judge Campbell finishes his shot, er, drink. “Clearly you were very upset. What made you think that sending this story to your mailing list would improve this situation?”
Mr Kumar jumps right back in. “I’m so apalled at this loser’s ethics and think everyone needs to know what he’s pulled with me, so you can be better informed of who you intend to be doing business with. People need to know what the hell is going on behind the scenes.”
“I see. Your concern for the Internet community is heart-warming, Mr Kumar, but did you not feel that speaking in such an abusive fashion might harm the veracity of your account?”
Mr Kumar nods humbly. “I’m really sorry for speaking the way I’ve done…I hope you do not hold it against me or think I’m some classless raving lunatic, but I really am steaming after what Carlos did to me. I’m sure you’d be feeling the same if what’s happened to me, happened to you instead.”
Judge Campbell is feeling very little at this moment in time. He ponders calling a recess so he can refill his “water” jug, but decides against it.
He turns his attention to Mr Garcia who looks blissfully unconcerned by Mr Kumar’s accusations. He does, however, appear to be swaying from side to side. But as the rest of the court room is moving in a similar motion, Judge Campbell decides not to hold it against him.
“Mr Garshea. Could you stand and address the court?”
Mr Garcia complies.
“When did you first realise Mr Kumar had a problem?”
Mr Garcia responds, “I am waking up to a “hate” phone call from someone I don’t even know, and “hate” email that I received from Joe Kumar…I found spam all over my forum from Joe, sharing this haterism.”
“Haterism?”
“The email he sent out was a blatant attempt to wreck my reputation. He’s even trying to bribe people to pass on the email he wrote to further destroy my reputation.”
“Ok.” Judge Campbell ponders this for a moment “Can you offer any proof that Joe is fabricating these events?”
“Objection.” Mr Garcia’s lawyer jumps to her feet, arms stretched wide in dis-belief. “These accusations are not made by my client. Surely the burden of proof should rest on Mr Kumar. He should have proof of his allegations before sending out abusive emails.”
Judge Campbell rises somewhat unsteadily. “Please sit down, Mrs… lawyer woman. This is a fictitious court with fictitious lawyers, presided over by a self-appointed, vodka-drinking judge. I hardly think legal procedure is our greatest concern.
“Mr Garshea. I watched the video on your website which claims to show correspondence between Mr Kumar and yourself. If this video is genuine, it strongly suggests that Mr Kumar has fabricated or, at the very least, muddled some of his version of events. Do you have anything that can be more readily verified? A recording of your telephone conversation perhaps?”
“I didn’t see a reason to.” Mr Garcia replied. “But now, I really wish I did. Anyways I don’t want to play the hear se game, nor he said this, and I said that...When we got off the phone he told me ‘I’m sorry about sending that email to the member, and I won’t do it anymore.’”
Mr Kumar jumps to his feet shaking his head in frustration as he speaks, “Over the phone, he was laughing and acting like the biggest jacka**…Here I was, all set on making us a good sum of money, and he decided to screw me over. Dumb retard.”
Mr Garcia’s lawyer jumps to her feet and paces menacingly toward Mr Kumar’s corner, screaming her objections.
Mr Kumar’s lawyer squares up to her counterpart and starts screaming back. Somewhere over the shouts, Judge Campbell can just about make out Mr Garcia shouting, “The way I see it is, ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’”
The two lawyers give up hurling abuse and change to a more mature tactic of hair pulling and eye-gouging. Mr Garcia and Mr Kumar wade in and try to separate their counsel, joined soon after by two court officials wielding large truncheons.
Judge Campbell watches in amusement for a few moments before returning to his chambers to hunt for that emergency bottle of Jack Daniels.
Thanks For Reading
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This article first appeared in The Nettle Ezine.
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